Thursday, July 15, 2004

Things Fall Apart... 

...so you look in Yellow Pages, make a call and get them fixed by a man with a big bag of tools.

The washing machine wasn't working properly, the carpet just inside the front door had gone a bit smelly in a damp sort of way and one of the little nose rest bits of my glasses fell off all around the same time. Petty stuff but still somehow enough to make me view life through a grey haze.

Got a man out for the washing machine who fixed it in about ten minutes and in a manner I should really have been able to work out for myself (and thus save myself the hefty one size fits all call out charge); left the door open for a while to dry out the carpet and sprayed liberally with some anti-smell gunk; superglued the bit back onto my specs. Suddenly life seems fine again.

Probably do need a new pair of specs in the longer term. Choosing is tricky though. I really am quite short-sighted (-5.75 and -6 if any fellow myopics wish to compare) which means I can't see how I look when trying on frames in the shop. I end up with my nose up against the mirror, eyes all screwed up squinting intently at my blurry reflection. Strangely I find in this manner that no matter what frames I wear I don't look good. And on top of that none of the frames I try are the exact ones I've been wearing for the last six years so they all look wrong.

Maybe it's time to try contact lenses again.

If it's any consolation, my back gate blew away in the wind last week and the cheapest quote I can find to get a new gate fitted and some brickwork done is £500. I believe that the new gate will be gold plated and a small opening ceremony involving a local radio celebrity is included in the costing.

Did the back gate blow off so far away that you needed a brand new one? Blimey. No doubt your poor old gate is probably hiding under a hedge tonight, lost, cold and crying, as it wonders why it's mummy hasn't come to find him...

The gate blew off across the road, hit someone's car and broke in two. Although I didn't tell the car owner that my gate had hit their car, it serves them right for er... owning a car. The builders are here at the moment and they get extra Builders Points for not wearing any safety goggles, protective gloves or face masks while operating dangerous concrete-smashing power tools - and they're both smoking. Three cheers for the Builders.

I hope you're giving your builders plenty of tea. I always proceed on the assumption that workmen doing jobs of which I have no real understanding are fractionally less likely to exploit my ignorance and charge me double if I've made them tea. The only problem is finding sugar for them as I never use the stuff. There's an archaic half full bag somewhere in the kitchen but it takes some finding. And they do always take sugar. Why is that?

I'm now of the opinion that they probably aren't builders at all as NEITHER OF THEM TAKE SUGAR. And one of them won't even drink tea, only coffee. Probably government spies or men in black, hence the "cheap" quote.

The blokes who put in my kitchen the other month didn't even drink tea! They brought their own bottles of water too. And what a great job they made of the kitchen.

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